Over the last few months, mine has been an emotional roller-coaster. I have had my best moments and bad moments too. At one time I was being hailed in my village after my graduation and weeks later, a part of me was slowly dying. I have pretended to be fine though something could show to those who know me. Bottled up so much anger I couldn’t even bleed if I was cut! left with so many un-answered questions, wondering what people do when love don’t love them?
After a period of soaking in sadness and anger, I realized I needed to be sober. To face the situation a little more critically and rationally without getting emotional. I embarked on a journey to try and understand me.
A friend told me that “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expect different results”. It hit me maybe it’s time I change how I do things.
Maybe it’s time I seek myself first before seeking others.
I want to know me inside out.
I want to understand my emotions better.
I want to deal with myself first before you come in.
I want to love me completely before I could love you.
I want to be able to handle me, so that I can handle you better.
I want to deal with past issues which I have let spill into my present.
I want to take time with myself before I can spend the rest with you.
I need to be able to share myself with me before I let you in.
I need to guard my heart to be able to guard yours.
I need to unmask the skeletons in my closet before I can dress you.
I need to build a way for us to take.
I need to lead you to my path for you to follow.
I need to keep walking to our destiny.
I need to keep the spirit even when you stop.
I need to sketch my dreams in order to see our future.
I need to understand me, to understand you.
thevillagegirl 
even as you do all that, at times just revel in allowing someone to take the lead once in a while, it doesnt make you weaker. and fight the urge to shout directions over their shoulders. rich men sit in the back-left of their cars and entrust their safety to their chauffeurs…try it sometime…it will give u time to relax, be pamapered, reflect and re-strategise, that way, u will first be making peace with urself and those around you and avoiding the hurt that comnes with arguments. remember, wisdom and self-discovery are not entirely pegged on YOUR path, others have theirs too and may not want to follow urs, its finding that junction that will allow u both to reach your destinies, but have walked together, avoiding the pitfalls and pulling each other out of the endless traps set up along the way and cherishing every moment. it is being strong enough to listen patiently to the other voice of reason apart from your own, weighing options and chosing the best on mutual consent. there is no competition here…and if there is, its really not worth the pain since ur destinations as i said are quite different…i pray that above-all my dear friend, you find total unadultereated peace.
Appreciate you taking time to read and for your thoughts. I order to find the junction, the writer needs to understand her end of the bargain to know where to draw the junction at 🙂
Sigh!! The much dreaded journey towards self-discovery!! Well in dear, well in.
One step at a time…
A path at one point we will take/have taken.. One step at a time
I hear you gal. First off congrats for taking the heavy step.
They say time heals everything and I pray that it heals you.
It is easy enough to be pleasant, When life flows by like a song.
But the man worthwhile is the one who can smile, when everything goes dead wrong. For the test of the heart is troubled,
And it always comes with the years. And the smiles that is worth the praises of earth is the smile that shines through tears.
Keep smiling and don’t let anything pull you down.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Then begs the question, do I even know myself let alone understand me? looking for an answer…………………(on sabbatical )……
….Start the journey.
it takes courage to come to a realization and even greater courage to start the journey.
Thanks you 🙂
Reblogged this on Living Light!.
Wow!nice write bro.
A Woman who loves , understands and owns every bit of herself is a powerfull woman, armed with confidence, and self esteem, not seeking validation from anybody because she knows what she is and what she is not, that is a woman who can bear anything that life throws her way, that’s a woman who will raise strong daughters and good sons, who will contribute into changing the society they live in for the better and the world as a whole.
Self Discovery is a never ending journey, and im sure you have discovered awesome things about you and attracted equally awesome people, i applause you for taking the journey.