6 Months’ a Mother

I want you to know that you overwhelmingly overpower me

And makes me realize how small I am.

And big

And vulnerable.

And strong.

And a fighter.

For you, I am everything!

You turned my life upside down.

I want you to know that I love you.

I will always do.

Noella

I honestly never knew a love that’s so deep and pure until you came into my life.

As long as  live, I will be there for you

I will always have your back

I will be there to hold your hand

I will be your cheerleader

every step of the way, I will.

And because there are battles I wont fight for you,

when I can’t protect you,

I need you to know that you will be fine.

‘cos you are a star

‘cos I taught you how to survive.

life ain’t easy.

You need to know that,

every time I close my eyes to pray,

I never miss to mention your name.

…But should anything happen,

when I’m not here anymore

promise me that you will be alright.

And baby,

when you’re too big for my laps,

In my heart, you are engraved!

PS: I got you baby. God got us 🙂

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Cheers To The Baby Onboard

 

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I want to tell you how obsessed I am about you. Of the long nights we have had together. As you twirl, kick and move. How I engage you in small talk.  How I get to work late because I need not to interrupt your playing moment right after my alarm goes off. That moment is Holy. I love it when I am hungry and you kinda throw tantrums. At that moment you don’t only kick or move, you throw things around in there to remind me that I need to feed you.

I however wonder how you look like. Do you look more like your father or me? Will you have my eyes or his? One thing I don’t doubt is that you look awesome, and amazing, and unique, and loved.  Damn, so much! I never understood my mother’s love until saw you through the ultra sound at week 15. Suddenly my bladder relocated to the eye-balls. You were so beautiful in black and white. I am still in awe…  Yet,  it hasn’t been blissful all through. You have given me scares that had me running to hospital in tears. Still, I have spent countless nights wondering if I will be good for you. If my good will be enough for you. Will my love will be enough? Will you love me back? Please remind me to love myself when I’m lost in you, will you?

I pray that you grow up in good health; of mind, body and soul. May you grow in knowledge and wisdom; to have mental, spiritual and social intellect. I pray I don’t fail you. I pray that you live to your true purpose. That nothing will hold you back. I pray you seek God in everything you do; that Matthew 6: 33 will always be your reference point. I pray you don’t take after me, or your dad or anyone else. Be your true self, unique in character and personality. I pray you will forgive me for the many times I will mess things up in the hope of doing good to you and for you.

I pledge to introduce you to my God; Proverbs 22:6 compels me to it.  The God I have known all this long and trust that when you grow up, you will not depart. I pledge to love and protect you even from yourself. I pledge to give you all that I can; all that you need. I pledge to set out a path for you to which you will follow when you are big enough. I would pledge the entire world for you my love, flesh of my flesh.

So, cheers to you; for making me a mother. For teaching me patience- I am not the most patient person yet here I am, waiting to meet you. For invading my body (good job kiddo). For the hectic 4 months of morning sickness and an entire unpredictable pregnancy thereafter. For teaching me to appreciate little things *see what I did there*. Above all, thanks to God  for choosing and entrusting me with you. This is for you!

PS: You are my new revelation; and so my life will change. My Facebook statuses will revolve around you and so are my IG posts. And because we are a generation of social media mum, you will forgive me.

Let’s at least agree on that.

 

Oh Baby!

‘This little heart of mine, I am gonna protect it’

Baby you amaze me

the way you tickle me

your squirming moves

You have already changed me

And how you give me those scares?!

I am excited

amazed

at how much I have already learnt

As the journey unfolds,

I am eager to meet  you

and experience the unending love

from you my little star.

17 Apart

Photo credit: Google

Strange! I am not afraid.

I was not sad then.

when the door closed on me.

I did not mourn.

Because it was a journey you had to take.

You had to leave. And I let you, gracefully

521 days apart.

Each day bearing a renewed hope of getting close to you.

I asked God to take care of you

And meanwhile prepare me to embrace you.

On your return.

From a world of different choices

Of broken roads

But somehow leading us closer each day

I prayed for you a little extra

each day more than the day before

Something told me you’ll need it.

Especially in tracing your way back

To a love that started way before we met

Poetically, Musically, Emotionally

Poetically
Crafted in this beautiful piece
You and I took form
Rhyming and synced
And sometimes we take no form
no pattern
Informal like a prose
Still we metamorphosed into who we are
like butterflies
Poetic.

Musically
Created a song together
Added melody and rhythm
Funkified our dance
You and I doing a tango
Dancing to love
And sometimes we hit wrong chords
but the dance never stops
As the beat changes,
So does our steps
Rhythmical.

Emotionally
Love stricken
Serenading each other with love song
Openly displaying our feelings
Sometimes we hurt and our scars shows
Of our imperfections
Still we have a love affair with our souls
Creating a unique blend of you and I
High in ecstasy
Soulful.

Understanding Me

Over the last few months, mine has been an emotional roller-coaster. I have had my best moments and bad moments too. At one time I was being hailed in my village after my graduation and weeks later, a part of me was slowly dying. I have pretended to be fine though something could show to those who know me. Bottled up so much anger I couldn’t even bleed if I was cut! left with so many un-answered questions, wondering what people do when love don’t love them?

After a period of soaking in sadness and anger, I realized I needed to be sober. To face the situation a little more critically and rationally without getting emotional. I embarked on a journey to try and understand me.

A friend told me that “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expect  different results”. It hit me maybe it’s time I change how I do things.

Maybe it’s time I seek myself first before seeking others.

I want to know me inside out.

I want to understand my emotions better.

I want to deal with myself first before you come in.

I want to love me completely before I could love you.

I want to be able to handle me, so that I can handle you better.

I want to deal with past issues which I have let spill into my present.

I want to take time with myself before I can spend the rest with you.

Me

I need to be able to share myself with me before I let you in.

I need to guard my heart to be able to guard yours.

I need to unmask the skeletons in my closet before I can dress you.

I need to build a way for us to take.

I need to lead you to my path for you to follow.

I need to keep walking to our destiny.

I need to keep the spirit even when you stop.

I need to sketch my dreams in order to see our future.

I need to understand me, to understand you.

I Chased The Rain

I chased the Rain away

Without my knowledge I sent it away

I let the wind blow it to a different land

Whining and dissatisfied I blew it away

And now am dying from drought…

I chased the Rain

Just when the skies were swollen like udders

The clouds were dark ready to let it fall

But I was too impatient to wait for the skies  to open

And instead, they curved in fear…

I shortchanged the Rain

No enough was ever enough for me

In showers I wanted heavy down pour,

I never appreciated it, belittled it

And now am crying under the merciless sun

Burning me to the heart…

Bring back the Rain,

Just to see the raindrops rolling down my window

And I will surrender to it

I’ll let it rain in a special way,

Quiet, gentle, tapping on my roof…

Dear God bring back the Rain tonight!

IF I DON’T SEE TOMORROW

If I don’t see tomorrow,

the only memory there will be will remain in you,

for my name will not read in  the History of  greats,

my memoir will not be stored in the archives,

and soon my name will fade,

because my sun shall have set.

If I don’t see tomorrow,

weep not my child,

for I will have found a better place.

I know it will be hard for you to fathom

but it will be a new dawn.

If I don’t see tomorrow,

let is not be said that I cowed,

for my soul has endured,

but my spirit begged for rest,

and so my dawn broke in.

If I don’t see tomorrow,

mourn me not,

instead rejoice,

for I will have found a better place,

let my mother know that I had to precede,

with angels right, left and centre,

I will watch over her.

If tomorrow closes on me,

don’t cry my friends,

for my soul shall be shinning on you.

If I don’t see tomorrow,

I hope in your hearts I will live!

I am Eager

You, are the reason I am eager.

Eager for morning to come,

and sing joy to the day.

Eager for the sun to rise,

and bask in it’s warmth.

Eager for the rainfall,

to watch the raindrops run down my window.

Eager to see your face,

and read your heart from it.

Eager to love,

because in return, you will love me.

Eager to fall asleep,

because there, I can dream.

Eager to fly free,

because you, have helped me grow wings.

Eager to wish for death,

because in your heart, I am engraved!

It’s complicated

Normaly I dont use social sites to vent out expressing my anger, weepin’ my broken heart or just praising my intelligent ego!because its not my diary. I find that stupid as everybody is busy updating their statuses or betta yet stalking on other. Hardly will you get a genuine ‘sorry’ ,they do it because its the trend. . . .but tonight I want to do the stupid,that which I say is useless. I want to mourn my dead feelings, I want to laugh at my stupid desires for thinking that everything is on a silver platter for them. I want to mock my ignorant heart for falling so fast. . .and ridicule my immature thoughts. I want to weep with my smile, teary for my eyes. My eyes smiles cynicaly,because they had seen it, they knew it was coming and tried to warn the heart… I sweat my heart,for running all the miles,wearing out my blood.
He showed me love, then took it back. And the irony is a sweet-lemon,really hard to explain because as it is, its complicated!